Aniqa Khaliq
BIO
Senior lecturer in secondary mathematics education. Mom-of-one.
Instagram: @aniqas_attic
Twitter: @AniqasAttic
Website: www.aniqasattic.com
Aniqa Khaliq
“We had been trying to conceive for a number of years but hadn’t been successful.”
It was on the advice of a friend that in my final year of university, while studying for a BSc in mathematics, I applied to the Institute of Education to be trained as a secondary school mathematics teacher. I wasn’t a confident child, nor had I grown up to be very vocal or outspoken amongst my peers or teachers as I didn’t like the attention, so my biggest fear was I wouldn't be able to succeed in this role and was setting myself up for failure. However, that first moment that I stepped in front of a class and began teaching, all my worries disappeared and I felt like this was where I had always belonged.
Once qualifying, I started working in a secondary school in east London and began studying for a Masters of Teaching alongside this too. I volunteered my time to gain experience in leadership, management and developing skills in mentoring, and as a result within a few years I had secured a job as a lecturer in mathematics education at the same university I had trained in. I have spent the last 13 years working in higher education institutions in one form of another, and always within mathematics education.
My husband and I had been trying to conceive for a number of years but hadn’t been successful. Due to this, we decided to get tested, but we were told that the chances of us falling pregnant naturally were low. I was already in my mid-thirties and having a family was something that I had always longed for, so this news came as a shock.
We went for a few meetings and appointments to discuss IVF options, but finding out that the chances of falling pregnant through IVF at my age were low too, we opted against it.
As we came to terms with the fact that maybe children would not be part of our future, we decided to focus more on furthering our careers and developing our charity work instead, and I started taking on even more responsibility at work.
It therefore came as a huge surprise when I found out I was pregnant in May 2018. Worried that I would now need to prove myself, and my ability to continue with the workload I had taken on prior to this, I met with my line manager and presented an 18 month plan highlighting how I would manage my responsibilities prior to maternity leave and how I would phase myself coming back to work after my maternity leave had ended. I had planned to work until a few weeks before my due date, and was confident I would return to work in the following academic year.
In hindsight I wish I had taken things a bit more slowly in my pregnancy, as I became really unwell by the time I was 8 months pregnant, and became severely dehydrated that resulted in having to stay overnight in hospital while being pumped with IV fluids. Despite this, I continued to work until about 3 weeks before my due date. Our daughter was born in February 2019, via elected c-section.
Our daughter was born with congenital heart defects and suddenly our lives became full of worry, fear and continuous visits to the hospital. There was no time to focus on recovery or healing, nor was there any time to even consider returning to work with the full-time care that was needed.
Within a couple of months things started to get too much for me. I had been exclusively breastfeeding for 6 weeks but as our daughter’s weight kept decreasing, we had to switch to formula but she was having difficulty breathing so had started refusing the bottle too. I began feeding around the clock, an ounce or two at a time, and as my husband worked long hours I was often alone. It was at this point that I realised I could no longer envisage going back to work, and as my career had defined me for so long I suddenly felt lost as to who I was.
By the time our daughter was just over 5 months old, she was approved for keyhole heart surgery. The surgery was a success, despite the loss of an unexpectedly high amount of blood, and the devices placed in her heart resolved the issues that had been present. By the time our daughter was 6 months old, my husband's employer had also approved for him to be switched to night shifts. It was at this point that I finally considered returning to work for a few “keeping in touch” days.
Walking back into the office felt like a breath of fresh air. I was asked if I felt guilty leaving my daughter at home, or if I missed being with her, but at the time I was just so grateful to have a few hours of ‘me time’ that it didn’t phase me at all. Seeing the change in my mood and how I felt once returning to work, my husband and I both knew that I needed to go back on a more regular basis for the sake of my own mental health.
My maternity leave wasn’t due to end for another 6 months, but being eager to restart where I left off, I spoke to my line manager, and again came up with a plan to return to work full time with more flexibility in the hours worked. Thankfully, my line manager was very supportive of this, especially as it meant I would be back in work full time sooner than expected.
This plan worked well for about 6 months, but by the time our daughter was 1yrs old she started to become very clingy and upset any time I left for work. In a strange way the March lockdown, as a result of Covid-19, came at the right time for us. I was working full time from home, and my husband (also a key worker) was still working full time from his workplace, but despite this our daughter had both of us at home for most of the day and was suddenly a much happier child as a result.
This is when the guilt started to take over. I loved being at home with both my husband and our daughter, and I wanted to see the milestones she was reaching. I approached my line manager once again, and suggested taking a career break for a year, or reducing my work down to 2.5 days a week in a job-share role for two years and then reassess. The latter was agreed, and since September 2020 I have been working part-time.
Parenting is hard. It's all-consuming physically, emotionally and mentally, and it often feels as though there is not much brain space left for anything else. That being said, establishing and furthering your career is also hard, and often results in you having to take on extra responsibilities voluntarily just to build up a stronger profile and to open up new job prospects for you. Despite of this, knowing what you want in this moment is key, as that is the only thing that will help you navigate your short (or long) term plans.