Catherine Neish
BIO
Assistant Professor studying planetary sciences at University of Western Ontario (Canada). Mom of 2.
Twitter: @planet_neish
Catherine Neish
“Mothers are strong and powerful people, and should never be underestimated.”
I am a planetary scientist and a mother of three; two who live with me here on Earth, and one who lives in my heart.
As a child, I was always fascinated with outer space, and read lots of science fiction novels. I had the opportunity to visit three different NASA centres as a teenager, and decided to major in astrophysics in college. Inspired by Carl Sagan’s “Contact” (which I read at age 16), I accepted a summer internship at Arecibo Observatory. There, I learned about planetary radar for the first time, and I was hooked. I decided to pursue graduate school at the University of Arizona. In graduate school, I examined images of Saturn’s moon Titan, and conducted experiments in Titan’s atmospheric chemistry. After graduating from my PhD, I started a postdoctoral fellowship working with the Mini-RF radar on the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter. But something was missing – I really wanted to work with students again.
So, I began applying for faculty positions. I also conceived my first child during that time. I thus was put in the interesting position of interviewing for faculty positions while obviously pregnant. Although interviewers cannot ask you about your family status, one cannot easily hide the (baby) elephant in the room. Out of the four in-person interviews I attended, I received one job offer, which I accepted. In late July, we moved from Washington, DC to Florida.
I started my first faculty position with a two month old daughter and a breast pump. I was extremely fortunate to have a husband who stayed home with our daughter so I could focus on my work. Still, I have never been more exhausted or stressed out in my life. I had always thought that I could do anything, but I hit my breaking point.
When my daughter turned one, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. This is a condition that caused me to experience chronic pain that I couldn’t simply “push myself” through. So I decided to make some radical changes.
I said “no” a lot more. I left work at the office, and refused to check email in the evenings or weekends.
After a year, I began to feel better… just in time to start my second faculty position, at the University of Western Ontario. As a Canadian, I had always hoped to continue my career in my home country, so it was an opportunity I couldn’t turn down. This time, we were toting a busy two year old with us. After a year in Canada, I felt settled enough to think about adding to our family. After the stressful experience with my first child, I was hoping to have a more laid back experience with my second, since Canada offered a full year of paid maternity leave.
I got pregnant again, but unfortunately, life threw me another curve ball; my daughter was stillborn at 37 weeks. For those who have not experienced the loss of a child, it is possibly the most devastating grief you can experience.
I did not know what to do with myself; I had planned to be on a leave for a year, and now had to juggle both my grief and my job expectations. Luckily, I had four months of leave to pick myself up off the floor, but when I returned to work , I was plagued by a brain fog that wouldn’t go away. I didn’t know if I could ever do science again. It took months of self-care to get to the point where I felt like even a fraction of my former self.
But a little bit of light started to make its way back into my life. I started a new project, and saw that I could come back from my grief eventually. In addition, a NASA mission proposal that I worked on was selected for further study.
Then I learned I was pregnant with my son. It was a stressful pregnancy, and I was thankful to have my students and my work to distract me. He brought new joy into my life. I was able to take a year off to bond with him, while continuing to support my students remotely (not unlike we are doing now).
Losing my daughter was the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me, but she also gave me the gift of learning how to truly appreciate my life, my family, and my work.