Chiung-Wei Huang
BIO
6th-year PhD student in physical chemistry. Mom-of-two.
Instagram: @chiungwei_
Twitter: @CWHuang_sci
Chiung-Wei Huang
“I realized the challenge all along was not the lack of time, but me lacking the capacity to accommodate my mom guilt.”
Almost all of my PhD life has been centered around motherhood. I couldn’t imagine, without the mom role, who I’d become and what I’d advocate for.
The biggest challenge during my studies has been finding time. From being at work coordinating lab equipment to being at home negotiating with my husband, and finding mental space for myself in between. It’s a rough ride. Fortunately, I’ve made progress toward the goal of earning my degree.
Until the pandemic hit. Being unable to use the lab upended my research in a different direction. I took on new projects and navigated new tools. On a typical day, it’s exciting. However, with two toddlers stuck in the house all day, I saw only disappointment in myself and the thought of suspending my science career peaked like never before. After two months of struggling, my husband and I decided to fly our kids back to our home country, Taiwan, where our family can lend a hand.
The separation made me uneasy at first. All of a sudden, I had so much free time to use. I quickly mapped out my days, hoping to make up for lost time. However, less hustling didn’t make everything easier.
I realized the challenge all along was not the lack of time, but me lacking the capacity to accommodate my mom guilt.
On the surface, it’s the guilt of sending the kids away. Deep down, it’s the fear claiming who I want to be. Societal culture has taught me to be either a perfect stay-at-home mom or a successful professional woman, and I’m pulled between my scientist and mom identity. There exist limited role models showing me that life and career are not an either-or choice.
After 7 months of rebuilding our life structure, we welcomed our two adorable souls back to our American home at the beginning of 2021. Looking back, I acknowledge what has happened.