Chrystal Starbird
BIO
Assistant professor in biochemistry and biophysics at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (USA). Mother of three.
Chrystal Starbird
“Climbing up the academic ladder is difficult for anyone, but it is especially difficult for student parents with few resources.”
From a very young age, I wanted to be a mother someday, but when I met my husband after my first year of college, it happened much earlier than in my musings as a young person. Growing up, I was raised by a single mother who struggled with addiction, and family and stability were generally lacking for me, but I always wanted both. Being a great student with a promising career as a future leader was also very important to me, as someone who grew up in an extremely impoverished background. As my life progressed, those two goals merged, because for as long as I was a mother, I was also a student.
I had my first two children as an undergraduate, and my partner and I welcomed our third child in graduate school. There were many challenges to raising children while also trying to excel as a student, but when I look back, I rarely think of the challenges. Climbing up the academic ladder is difficult for anyone, but it is especially difficult for student parents with few resources.
Pursuing a PhD was an uphill battle for me, but having my family there became a powerful source of motivation. When I came home exhausted from a grueling test or a tense meeting with my advisor or disappointed over how the university responded to student requests for support, and I thought momentarily of giving up, I only had to look over into the smiling, hopeful, and loving eyes of my little ones and I was reset.
This was not just my battle; it was a battle I was fighting for my children and their future, so giving up was not an option.
When people learn that I have three children, the number one question they ask is, “How did you balance it all?”. I think the answer is part of what has prepared me for my current job as faculty. There is no balance, not really. Rather, you must become good at shifting priorities at the right time and place to maximize your impact and success in both being a mom and being a student or researcher.
Of course, you want to do your best in both jobs, but doing all things at all times is impossible, so the important part is learning when your priorities need to shift. You cannot do all things at all times, but you can constantly make decisions that reinforce your values.
Some work tasks can wait, but some are critical. And sometimes your kids end up sick, have a big event at school, or need your care. I might miss one school event because I have to give a seminar (often a partner/friend can fill in), but I’ll be sure not to miss the next two. And I’ll spend extra time after those events emphasizing how much I appreciate the talent or interest on display (because I do!).
Because you always have to shift priorities and sometimes you have to let either your family or your job down a bit, it’s important to manage the inevitable guilt. Sometimes, I do this with self-talk: You are working so hard, and if you could do more, you would.
Sometimes, I also plan a bit of extra self-care: a weekend trip with the family, a girls' night, a day with no meetings where I catch up at work, or, my all-time favorite, a hiking trip to see a nearby waterfall. Most importantly, I firmly believe that when your intentions are sincere, whether at work or home, people can feel that. Today, my family unit is extremely close, and my children have all of the security and love that I missed as a child. I’ve been able to be quite successful in my career as well, despite the many challenges.
Some of these challenges could have been easily mitigated by increased institutional support, and it’s because of this reality that I continue to work as a vocal advocate for support for students from low-socioeconomic status backgrounds and for student parents.
Many of us share the goal of wanting the best and brightest minds working on the most challenging problems in science, but this will not be the case if we continue to work with support systems that were designed for only one type of scientist. I envision a future where it will become easier to prioritize motherhood and science because institutions will provide the necessary support to help you be your best at both!