Paola Carrillo-Bustamante
BIO
Senior researcher working on Computational Biology (Germany). Mom-of-one.
Twitter: @pcarrillobustam
Instagram: @paocarrillob
Paola Carrillo-Bustamante
“I’m determined to be a role model for my son so he knows women do not and should not have to choose between a career or a family.”
I have liked math, physics and biology since I was in high school. I moved to Germany from Ecuador when I was 19 and have been paving my own way in academia ever since. I moved from Electrical Engineering during my undergrad and masters to Computational Biology during my PhD (partially encouraged by the slightly toxic environment that promoted being as 'masculine as possible' to succeed).
I eventually landed at my current position where I study - with computer models- how the environment and biology of mosquitoes shape the evolution of malaria parasites. Although I easily adapt to new environments and countries, motherhood has been the hardest adaptation challenge I have had to face.
I must acknowledge that I have been incredibly lucky, as I am surrounded by a partner, work environment, and a social system that supports mothers to go back to work. And yet, it felt like climbing Mount Everest without any training.
Having been (or thought to be) a strong, driven and independent woman, I found myself sobbing by the lack of self-determination I was facing all of a sudden after motherhood. I felt torn between this overwhelming feeling of love for a tiny creature and loss and grief of my independence.
As an expat family, I felt deeply sad that I had to leave my baby boy in the care of strangers, so I could work the way I used to like. My productivity still decreased, and I felt that I was losing the grip on something very dear to me: my research. with the pressure of pursuing an academic career, still without tenure, where publication gaps are bad.cIt is not only that I missed being as productive as I was once, but I also felt judged by society in every decision I took.
But I survived. I realised that this time the shift was in my identity, and the only way to succeed was to (re-)define my parenting and professional values. I began by talking about my story thereby normalizing what seemed to be normal motherhood experiences.
I asked for support at work and at home when I felt I needed it. And perhaps most important of all, I surrounded myself with like-minded parents that have been a crucial support to enjoy (and sometimes just survive) the ride. Equipped with these tools, I have learned to accept the unpredictability that comes with having young children, and to exploit the flexibility I luckily have at work.
I have also learnt to accept gaps and delays in my publications. As I write this, I am working on the first big grant I hope to start my research group with (trying to exploit every nap, or early bedtime); knowing that even if it didn't work, something else will. I will keep making my own way as an academic mom.