Raj Kumari Sanjukta
BIO
Animal Health scientist and a mother of one.
Instagram: @rajkumarisanjukta
Raj Kumari Sanjukta
“It was and is not an easy ride raising a child in foreign land especially during pandemic time.”
My journey of motherhood and science is full of learning, joy and love, with accompanying feelings of anger, loss and guilt. I had been an animal health scientist for more than a decade before I entered motherhood or rather married life, nearing my 40's with a feeling of urgency and unknown infertility gripping in.
I had to take leave to undergo infertility treatment after a missed abortion at 11 weeks. Our office is very accommodating in terms of medical, maternity and childcare leave, but it comes with its own downside. As a woman I felt the guilt of being on paid leave and the common notion of women being entitled.
I became a mother at the peak of my research career, when you start gaining some understanding of how the system works. I started independently securing competitive projects, PhD mentorship opportunities were opening up, I had developed rapport with prospective collaborators, and so on. But then I chose to be a mother, which wasn't in itself wasn’t straightforward being in an overseas relationship. I couldn't possibly find a balance in one without letting go of the other. I had to use all my accrued leaves, and beyond on unpaid leaves, then only my little bundle of joy came overcoming all my health issues of chronic high blood pressure and gestational diabetes.
It was and is not an easy ride raising a child in foreign land especially during pandemic time. It's a journey of learning and unlearning life skills better than ever. The greatest gift of all is a step forward, I took to take the helm of my health.
In the meantime, I had to monitor my projects unofficially through email and WhatsApp. I did as much planning, online presentations and coordinations as I could, merely as my commitment towards my responsibilities. I had to decline an invitation to join a multi-institute project. Nevertheless, I had contributed in passing down and formulating this project to prospective collaborators, which is currently sanctioned and running smoothly.
Another big challenge during this time was submitting my career advancement application (which was a 500+ page document). My baby is used to contact napping so I don't get free time during the day. At night we co-sleep in a dark room where we hardly can see each other but only feel, and she gets agitated if I am not there. So I had to cross check every page of my application and communicate in the dark with only the light from reading mode on my laptop or mobile.
Motherhood is amazing, I really love and enjoy every moment spent with my baby and will reminisce forever. But, however much we glorify it, the sad reality is that life as a mom is not easy, breastfeeding is not easy, cleaning and hygiene is not easy, baby sleep itself is a huge science and adding to it is my high-need pandemic baby. Every day is daunting, especially without help.
My husband and I share all baby's and daily chores, sometimes in harmony, sometimes in meltdowns and tantrums. I do the most tiring and unappreciated part: the full time babysitting while he works from home (gets the bread earner’s badge), since the pandemic started. My career is at a halt for now, no professional progress. I don't know how much I have missed in my career until now, what difference would I have made, if I will be contributing in the same way as I always did or if I will be getting the same status when I return. I really don't know.
The burden of unsubmitted publications and accomplished work sometimes haunts me. When I look back I found myself always ardently doing bench work, remaining busy with all sorts of work alongside research (in our system the focus is not entirely on research but lots of other extension and official dry works, made not so easy).
I am still in dilemma with an open ended question of "Where will we finally settle?". But I am sure that whatever decision we make will be good for our daughter and will lay the path for her. I want to be a role model for my daughter as a mother and more particularly as a woman. I end, reminding myself "I can't falter, I can't give up, life has to go on, I have to sail my best", which I learnt from my mother, an enthusiastic lifelong learner.