Karishma S. Kaushik
BIO
Independent investigator at the University of Pune, India.
Twitter: @KaushikLab
Karishma S. Kaushik
“Letting go of guilt and enjoying what we have is certainly a good choice.”
I am a ‘one and done’ academic mom, and I have made my choices. As a PhD mom, when I am asked ‘Did you struggle deciding between motherhood and career goals?’, the simple answer is no. A more honest answer, however, would be ‘No, not during the PhD and for my first child, but after that - yes’.
I was what you might call an ‘unconventional’ PhD pursuant. After completing my medical degree and residency in India, I moved to the US for a PhD in microbiology. I started the PhD as a medical doctor, almost 30 years old, and married to an engineer. I was also very keen to become a mother.
In 2010, towards the end of the first year of my PhD, we decided to have a child. Our son was born soon after, and while it required an extraordinary level of multitasking, efficiency and commitment to keep the PhD on track, I enjoyed every minute of it. On the work front, I developed a system that worked for me - I planned my calendar down to every detail, used all my time in the laboratory on the bench, did data analysis at home, and ate quick lunches in the hallway. On the home front, I made evenings with my son count - we were regulars at the community park and wildflower center, planned shopping trips, and did art activities. Looking back, it was less of ‘caring’ for him, and more like ‘we were hanging together’. I sailed through the PhD in 5 years, and walked the convocation with my husband and son in the audience.
Once I was through this challenging and busy phase of my life, I started to think of whether we would want to grow our family. The PhD years, with a traveling spouse and a young child at home, had left me with no time to think seriously about it. But the completion of a major academic phase, my husband moving to a local job, and finding myself in my mid-30s, meant I needed to make some choices.
Having spent 15 years earning my medical and scientific degrees, and building my expertise and training, I was finally ready for, and wanted to throw myself full-throttle into, my independent research career. This also coincided with my husband and I deciding to move back to our home country after more than a decade in the US. He wanted to join the vibrant tech-startup scene in India. I had been awarded a prestigious re-entry fellowship to build one of the very few physician-scientist-led research groups in the country. It had been a long cherished dream to plough our expertise back into the Indian system.
A second pregnancy, and the initial years of child-rearing, would be a major commitment. We had already taken on a cross-country relocation, two new jobs, and helping our American-born son adjust to an unfamiliar country. Were we ready to add sleepless nights, vaccination appointments, and newborn care uncertainties to this? Importantly, was I ready to pull back professionally, just when I was getting ready to get going?
After months of thinking and discussions, I concluded that it would be taking on too much. My husband thankfully understood, and embraced the decision. He had been a bedrock of support during the PhD years, and fully recognized the passion and commitment with which I wanted to build a research career, and contribute to science in India.
Nevertheless, the choice was not without guilt. I found myself looking at setbacks, rejections and denials as I launched my independent career with a harsh spotlight, ‘I have to make this work. I made this professional choice, over other choices’. On the personal front, while we loved our time and bond as a family of three, I felt the need to reconcile that my professional drive meant that I denied our family a new member and my child a sibling.
Today, our only child is 10 years old, we continue to love ‘hanging with each other’, and as he grows older, he has been a keen observer and confidante in my professional journey. We have successfully transitioned back to India, my husband enjoys his work, and I am building my dream career, which includes contributing to the science ecosystem in India in several ways.