Mangala Srinivas
BIO
Professor and CSO, with 3 kids (3, 7 and 9), single mom.
Mangala Srinivas
“One of the best lessons I've learnt is that many times "good enough" is OK, and there's no need for more.”
I was a postdoc when my first child was born. At that time, we lived just over 2 hours away from my work (each way) to be closer to my husband's work. It was a very difficult time, as my son was a terrible sleeper, often waking up 5 times a night, and I needed to catch the train around 6am to get to work. Two years later, when I was pregnant with our 2nd child, we moved about 30 minutes closer to my work (again for my husband's work). Finally, soon after my 3rd child was born, we moved about 30 minutes away from my work (yes, again for my husband's work). It was only then that I realised how much energy and time I had been losing to commuting, in addition to not getting anywhere near enough sleep.
I finally stopped feeling like a zombie, and was hit by the realisation that my career was second-fiddle in our family and I wasn't getting enough support from my husband with our kids.
We divorced soon after that, for several reasons, and now the kids spend most of their time with me. Divorce was not something I had anticipated or even wanted, and it was truly terrifying to suddenly become an expat with 3 kids (at that time, aged 1, 3 and 5), and faced with the thought of needing to raise them alone. In addition, my academic job at that time was not secure, and it did not pay enough for me to be a single parent. But, you know, you take one small step at a time.
Fast forward 2 (emotionally draining and exhausting) years, and I have a new, secure job that I love, my own company, and a new partner who is actually supportive of me, my career and my kids. I had not even realised what I was missing out on before. My family and close friends, although often in a different country, also helped me tremendously.
It takes a lot of courage to make changes, especially when the change appears to be destructive, such as divorce or leaving a job, and when you are responsible for your children.
There were many days when I struggled to get out to bed to take the kids to school. However, if I had not been forced to make these changes, I would not be where I am today.
I think women give too much too easily, especially when it comes to their children. Together with the never-ending demands of an academic career, this means you could be working and baking vegan, high protein cupcakes 18 hours a day, and it's still not enough. One of the best lessons I've learnt is that many times "good enough" is OK, and there's no need for more. Now, finally, I hope to be able to spend some time on myself.